really?

so strange for a girl my age to like to cook? if i cook, sue said she'd do my laundry. $1000 is a little steep on rent, even if her ranch house in rye is near 2 beaches...so still no definitive news on apartments.

examples:

• today's lunch = half/half whole wheat/regular penne, sautéed bell pepper (red, yellow), onion, canadian bacon, garlic, parmesan cheese, made before i went to work in the morning;

• the salad i proposed to john = raw spinach, blueberries, toasted almonds + balsamic vinaigrette (olive oil, strong balsamic vinegar, mustard, salt, freshly ground black pepper)

i'm not bitter. i'm just deprived of close contact.

when i talk about living in paris, it seems like a few months of my life were on someone else's dime. maybe i didn't value the experience enough while i was living it, i don't know. i was too busy soaking up all that i could from all the different sources - sorbonne musicologie, michel fischer, michelet monde islamique, cat cantin, m-a letellier, pascal odille, cheminals, solano - that maybe i forgot to just be. to just exist, you know?

erin wang said recently that i paint with words. i avoid it sometimes because it hurts, but maybe that means i'm deconstructing something real.

vonnegut's welcome to the monkeyhouse is superb, and it gets me through the long days of work. that, and i put on trio medieval's stella maris album when there's barely anyone in the store. keeps me sufficiently entranced.